


Letting go

by MissSlothy



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 14:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14571504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSlothy/pseuds/MissSlothy
Summary: “What have I got to tell him, Lou?”One of the things Steve’s always admired about Lou Grover is that he never flinches, never backs down.  He doesn’t back down now, even though Steve knows he’s glaring.“How you feel about him.  The clock’s ticking, man.  You've only got forty-eight hours."





	Letting go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stellarmeadow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarmeadow/gifts).



> Thanks to Stellarmeadow for suggesting the lyrics this story is based on. It's been a fun way to pass an afternoon :)
> 
> Lyrics:  
> ‘They say if you really love it  
> You gotta let go of it  
> And see if it comes back  
> The only thing I know is you’ve never let me go  
> ‘Cause I guess opposites really attract  
> It might’ve taken me a minute  
> But now I finally get it’

“You gotta tell him, Steve.”

Steve finishes typing the sentence he’s working on.  He reads it through twice before raising his eyes from the laptop screen to look at Grover, sitting across the desk from him. 

Grover’s sitting forward in his seat, hands clenched together in his lap.  If he raised his hands a few inches the pose would be almost prayer-like. 

“What have I got to tell him, Lou?”

One of the things Steve’s always admired about Lou Grover is that he never flinches, never backs down.  He doesn’t back down now, even though Steve knows he’s glaring.

“How you feel about him.  The clock’s ticking, man.  You've only got forty-eight hours.”

 _Forty-eight hours and thirty three minutes,_ Steve corrects silently.  _In forty-eight hours and thirty three minutes Danny will be leaving Hawaii._  

H50H50H50H50

“So you’re just going to let him go?”

Steve takes a long gulp from his beer bottle as he pretends to consider Tani’s question.  From his spot on the lanai he can see out across his back yard to the beach.  It’s been a long time since it’s been this crowded.  Everyone’s turned out to see Danny off.

“I’m supposed to make him stay?”

His heart skips a beat at her answering hand gesture.  She’s learnt well from her mentor: it’s so familiar, pure Danny, all sass and attitude, everything he loves about the man.

“Of course you are. You know he’d stay if you asked.”

He takes another long drag on his beer.  “Maybe he shouldn’t.”

Tani frowns at his question, takes a step closer so they’re standing toe-to-toe.  “What? Stay? Is this what this is?  Some sort of self-sacrificing—”

“It’s a promotion,” he shoots back, cutting her off with a slash of his hand.  “More money.  More time with Charlie and Grace.  Of course he shouldn’t stay.”

“It’s on the _mainland_.”

“So?”

“What about _you?”_

“It’s time, okay.  He’s already stayed too long, he could have earned a promotion years ago—”

“ _Jesus_.” She’s slams her own beer bottle on a table, making heads turns.  “You’re an idiot boss, do you know that?  We should have listened to Kamekona,” she mutters, striding back inside the house.  “Locking you both in custody and losing the key was a great idea.”

H50H50H50

Steve moves around the living room, collecting up dirty plates and glasses.  The party outside is slowly winding up.  Over the murmur of voices he can hear people saying their goodbyes to Danny.

Cleaning the kitchen wastes some more time but eventually it’s just the team left.  They huddle around Danny in the middle of the yard quietly talking, touching, their expressions wistful, gradually morphing to sad.  Steve leans on the lanai doorway and watches them, the team that he loves so much. 

It feels like the heart is being ripped out of it.

Tani’s the first to leave: in the moonlight he can see tears rolling down her cheeks.  If she spots Steve standing on the lanai she doesn’t acknowledge him.  Junior follows, rubbing at his eyes. 

Grover lingers for longer. Leaning down, he whispers in Danny’s ear.  The sombre expression that Danny’s been wearing all day lifts for a second, the corners of his mouth flicking up in a smile.  Then he glances over at the lanai and the smile’s gone again. Looking away Danny says something to Grover then suddenly – in a blink of an eye - he disappears from sight.

Grover’s engulfed him in a bear hug.

Steve knows that in different circumstances he’d be laughing.  Instead he’s swallowing down a lump in his throat. 

H50H50H50H50

“I’ll call, okay.  Once we’re settled.”

Steve nods, stuffs his hands in his pockets, tells himself not to touch.  “It’s only California.  I’m pretty sure they’ve got telephones and the internet, Danny.  We’ll be able to stay in touch.”

They’re standing opposite each other on the lanai, their faces illuminated by the glow from the house lights.  Grover’s gone and now it’s just the two of them. 

Danny looks up from the floor where his eyes have been fixed.  “Yeah, they’re got phones, babe.”

Steve’s heart lurches at Danny’s unsure expression.  For the first time in their lives they don’t seem to know what to say to each other.  And yet it feels like there’s so much between them, unsaid.

“I got some of Charlie’s toy’s inside,” Steve says eventually into the silence, moving to get them because he _so_ needs to move.  “Give me a minute and—”

“Don’t.”  Danny stops him with a hand on his arm.  Steve shivers at the touch.  “We’ll be back.  You keep them.”

Steve forces himself to smile.  “You’re gonna visit?” 

Danny’s hands shoot up in disgust.  “Of course we’re gonna visit, you schmuck.  Come here.” 

The brief outburst washes away the awkwardness between them.  They fall into a hug.  Steve holds on, wrapping his arms tightly.  And if Danny’s holding tighter than normal Steve isn’t going to complain about it.  This hug’s going to have to last both of them a while.

They walk out front together.  Danny’s driving a beaten up old rental – he’d gifted the Camaro to Steve the day before.  Danny had pretended to be reluctant about it, arguing about bad driving and sloppy lane control.  But they both knew what they’d been saying to each other: be safe, don’t take risks.  Stay alive.  I love you. 

So there’s nothing more for them to say now apart from goodbye.  Steve watches the rear red lights of Danny’s car disappear into the night.  Then he watches some more.

When he finally turns around he’s not surprised to see Grover waiting, leaning against his truck.

“Don’t say it,” Steve says tiredly, heading for the house. “Please.”

“His flight isn’t for a couple of hours.  If you go now—”

Steve shakes his head, keeps walking.  He mustn’t look back.  “He’s done so much for Five-0.”  He swallows.  “For me.  For Grace and Charlie.  It’s time for him to do something for himself, Lou.  He needs to make this move.” 

When Grover blocks his path Steve lets him.  The crushing hug when it comes is welcome too. It’s only now that Danny’s gone that he really lets himself feel anything.

He feels like he’s being ripped apart.

H50H50H50

Work passes in a blur of cases and meetings.  Danny’s been away before so the team still works seamlessly.  Sure, Danny’s empty office with its bare desk and walls is a physical reminder that this is a permanent change, that he’s not coming back.  But Steve knows he’s not the only one who’s ignoring that.

It’s the downtime that Steve finds difficult.  He’s never had so many invitations to go surfing or have dinner.  And although he always has a great time – Tani’s good company and Renee’s a fantastic cook – it still feels like there’s something missing.

No matter how hard he tries, he can’t adapt.

“You’re pining,” Grover announces one day, dropping down onto his office couch.

“I’m not _pining_.  I’m just…missing him.”

Grover rolls his eyes.  “You know that’s the same thing, right?”

“No.”  Steve can feel his heart rate rising.  He slams his laptop shut, pushes to his feet.  “Pining makes me sound like a…damsel in distress.”

“A what?”

“You know…like in that romantic movie Renee made us watch the other night.  Unrequited love.  Pining.”

It takes him a moment to register the words he’s saying.  His brain gradually works through them, one by one. 

Dropping his head into his hands, he thuds back down into his seat.  _“_ Oh _fuck.”_

H50H50H50

It’s a month before he gets the phone call he’s been waiting for.  One very long month.  And it’s not Danny that calls him but Rachel.

“I’ve got my old job back.”

“I’m sorry?”

“He did this for us, for Charlie and Grace.  You do understand that, don’t you?”

“I do.  But—”

“You’re idiots.  Both of you.  He wants to come back but he’s worried about us.  You want him to come back but you’re worried he’s only doing it for you.  I want to knock both your heads together—”

“I don’t want him to come back if he doesn’t want—”

“Renee called me.  Pining was mentioned.”

“Oh.”

“He’ll be back next week.  You’ll only get one chance at this.  Don’t screw it up.”

H50H50H50

Steve changes outfits twice before he makes it to the airport. Cargo pants would generate the rant that he’s been missing so, so much. The jeans he actually ends up wearing cost a fortune: they fit like a glove.  
  
His nerves go out of the window when he sees Danny. For a moment it’s like they haven’t been apart. Danny’s still got his confident swagger, his shirt is still only just large enough to contain his wide shoulders. Then their eyes meet and Steve’s stomach plummets, his heart starts thundering, his breath catches in his throat.  
  
It wasn’t just his imagination.  He really is in love.  
  
Danny falters, licks his lips, then carries on walking. When he stops they’re only inches apart.  
  
“Rachel says you’ve been pining.”  
  
Steve opens his mouth then freezes, his mind going blank. Of all the scenarios he’s been thinking about (and he’s been thinking _a lot_ ) this isn’t the opening line he’d been expecting.  
  
Danny must get it because he smiles, a soft smile that makes Steve heart skip happily. “Rachel informed me I was pining too.”  
  
Steve nods, rocking back on his heels. Mutual pining is good.  
  
There’re so many things Steve wants to say but his words aren’t coming. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he clears his throat.

Danny does the same.  
  
Suddenly Danny nods, as if coming to a decision. When he reaches up to loop a hand around Steve’s neck to pull him closer, Steve doesn't resist.  
  
“Just so we’re clear, babe,” Danny says softly, making Steve shiver with need, “this is what I want.”  
  
Danny’s lips are dry against his, the first touch tentative and shy. Within seconds it’s turned into something more passionate. When they come back up for air, they’re both breathing heavily.  
  
Steve studies Danny’s face for a moment, his heart flipping at the emotion in Danny’s eyes. “ Message received," he answers, dipping in for another kiss.  "I'm never letting you go again."  



End file.
